What Do I Say When Someone Dies?

Weve all been there, youve just heard the news that your friend has lost a loved one close to them, but what do you say?

Heres a few tips to avoid the common mistakes that people make when friends are grieving.

• Say Something! - some people are so worried about saying the wrong thing that they say nothing at all this is even worse than saying something that you feel isnt helpful.
• Offer To Help - it doesnt have to be much just taking round a meal to someone whos grieving can help. It shows that you care and helps them to feel cared for and supported.
• Send A Card - even if you know theyve received dozens or hundreds of cards, its important to send one. It shows that you are thinking of them and lets them know that youve heard their news.
• Keep In Touch - whats even worse than losing a loved one is when all the people you thought were your friends are too embarrassed or awkward to keep in contact. Make regular phone calls (put it in the diary if need be) or invite them round for a meal from time to time.
• Offer Practical Help - it might be something as simple as mowing the lawn, driving to the shops but it can help to take the sting out of those firsts that you have to do without your loved one.
• Remember Holidays & Occasions - these can be really tough. Whether its Christmas, birthdays or anniversaries (including the anniversary of their death), people who have been seemingly strong can crumble as they have to face their loss all over again.
• and finally, Listen! - it may not be rational, sensible or coherent but listening with a sympathetic ear (without offering suggestions or answers!) to someone who is on an emotional rollercoaster can be helpful. It can help move them on through the difficult process of grieving and is a sign of true friendship.

Mother Theresa captured it well when she said Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the worst poverty of all. She described it as the leprosy of the West.

Simply by bucking the trend, stepping out of our comfort zones and choosing to be there with our friend through their grief you can make a significant difference.

Jen Carter runs the Special Moments site which offers information on funerals & planning. You can find 50 best-loved funeral poems and readings at her website. You can find more funeral and memorial poems at Poem4Today.

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This entry was posted on Saturday, August 23rd, 2008 at 12:44 pm and is filed under Grief Loss . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.