Unknown to the general public as well as the mass media, millions of people mourning the death of a loved one have an experience in which they are convinced they have received a sign or a message from the deceased or a divine being. However, mourners are often reluctant to widely discuss the event out of fear they will be labeled negatively and lose valuable support in their journey to reinvest in life. These encounters have nothing to do with a psychic; they are not invoked, but occur spontaneously.

The word spontaneously is a key understanding. As many who have had the experience testify, they were not thinking about the loved one, yet the experience came seemingly out of nowhereand from an outside source. It was not something manufactured by the unconscious mind or a product of coincidence.

Of critical importance is the fact that the experience brings solace and comfort and often opens up a whole new level of awareness reconnecting the mourner to their spiritual roots and a new relationship with the deceased.

Regrettably, some family members, counselors (including psychiatrists), and friends of the mourner often dismiss the experience as an artifact of grief, the product of a mind that cannot accept the death of the loved one. Historically, the scientific community has commonly dismissed the contact as an illusion or hallucination. Nothing could be further from the truth.

In general, people who report the experience are as sound and sane as anyone could be. They know they have been given a gift of love and caring to assist in coping with transition. Dealing with the massive changes associated with the critical task of accepting death is a challenge all must face. Thus, the experience becomes a significant resource in establishing a healthy continuing bond with the deceased while reducing the perception of isolation so often felt.

Having studied the phenomena for over 25 years, I have chronicled fifteen different types of contacts and labeled them Extraordinary Experiences (EEs). Other researchers have called them after-death communications, while those who receive them often say they are spiritual experiences. They range from sensing the presence or hearing the voice of the loved one to smelling a particular scent or having an incredible dream in which the loved one says he or she is okay. Sometimes a third person is involved, often a child, who is given the experience and then passes it on to the primary mourner. Unusual natural signs of rainbows or the behavior of butterflies, pets, or wildlife as well as the unexpected movement of pictures or objects associated with the deceased have also proved meaningful.

These communications can be used in a variety of ways in coping with loss. For example, memories are important grieving tools and EEs provide a rich network of images for positive recall. They can also be used as a symbol to motivate the mourner to adapt to the changes imposed by loss or as reminder to work on new skills or routines needed in their life without the beloved.

If you have had an Extraordinary Experience, or if you are helping someone cope with the loss of a loved one, make every effort to become aware of the nature of these mysterious gifts, the wide variety of meanings they hold, and the resource they can become for everyone. Love truly lives on and the death of a loved one never means the relationship dies. Our deceased loved ones will always be part of our lives.

You can learn more about EEs by going to http://extraordinarygriefexperiences.com/ or http://christineduminiak.com or reading some of the books and articles that have been written about this most helpful phenomenon. Use or assist others in using this untapped resource for the rich opportunity it provides in keeping the memory of a deceased loved one vibrant and alive throughout the healing process and beyond.

Louis E. LaGrand, Ph.D., is Distinguished Service Professor Emeritus at the State University of New York and Director of Loss Education Associates in Venice, Florida. He was a member of the debriefing team for the Nassau County Medical Examiners office on the TWA Flight 800 disaster, a former member of the Board of Directors of the Association for Death Education and Counseling, and a founder and past-president of Hospice of St. Lawrence Valley.

The author of eight books and numerous articles, he is known world-wide for his research on the extraordinary experiences of the bereaved (After-Death Communication phenomena). His first two books on the subject of the extraordinary have been translated into several languages. Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved, his latest book, was released in November, 2006 by Berkley Books.

With 25 years of counseling the bereaved, he is an international speaker who gives workshops on death-related topics in schools, hospices, and health agencies. His website is http://extraordinarygriefexperiences.com

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Sending a floral tribute is a very appropriate way of expressing sympathy to a family who has experienced the loss of a loved one. Flowers express a feeling of life and beauty and offer much comfort to the family. A floral tribute can either be sent to a funeral service or to the familys residence. Here are some suggestions to assist you in sending sympathy flowers.

Funeral Basket- Appropriate to send to a funeral or memorial service. Pricing will vary depending on the type and quantity of flowers. Ask your florist for details and availability of specific flowers.

Funeral Spray- This is a large arrangement designed in floral foam and attached to an easel. It is appropriate to send to a funeral service. Sometimes they are transported to the gravesite. Try to order a spray at least a couple days before the service, as it takes time to create this large arrangement. An alternative to this artistic style is to have your florist use a cross form. Your florist can deliver this spray to the service with an identification card, including your message.

Wreath- A beautiful alternative to a standard funeral spray. Wreaths are also attached to an easel. Wreaths are often placed at the service, and sometimes moved to the gravesite. Some wreaths can be heart shaped. Ribbons with sentiment can also be added for a personal touch.

Casket Cover- One of the most impressive sympathy floral designs is a casket cover. They do come in a variety of sizes. Casket sprays come in Quarter, Half or Full Casket Style which is the whole length of the casket. Because it would be difficult to accomodate more than one of these large designs, you will want to make sure that the family has not already arranged for one of these. This is typically supplied by close family members. These are one of the more expensive sympathy floral designs. These tributes also need to be ordered in advance, as they are large and take time to create.

Inside Casket Piece- A memorial tribute specifically made to be placed in the casket. Whether it be a small clutch of flowers, a garland or a small wreath, this flower design can be placed on the inside lid of the casket, for open casket services. This is also typically supplied by immediate family, and not sent as a sympathy arrangement.

Flower Vase- If you are unable to send something to the service, consider sending a vase of flowers to the familys residence. This is appropriate before or after the service. It is best not to send it the day of the service, as the family will not be at home to accept delivery. A beautiful vase of flowers can express your sympathy to the entire family during their difficult time. Include a message card with your name(s). Your florist can recommend an appropriate style to send to your recipient.

Peace Lily- An indoor green plant with white blooms, appropriate to send to the familys residence. Be sure to have the florist add a message card, just as you would include with a flower arrangement. The Peace Lily is popular as a sympathy plant, most likely due to its namesake. Your florist may also be able to suggest another blooming plant.

Some final notes:

Pet Loss can be just as tragic to someone as losing a human member of their family. Dont forget to send flowers to those mourning the loss of a beloved pet. They will appreciate your support and condolences.

Consider sending flowers after the funeral. It is also a thoughtful gesture to send flowers even weeks after the funeral service to show the family that they are in your thoughts. It would be appropriate to include a message card letting them know you are thinking of them.

If you are unsure about what would be appropriate to send, ask your florist. They are the experts, and can recommend the ideal floral design to express your sympathy.

Details are very important when sending flowers, especially sympathy flowers. By calling a real local florist located in the town you are sending to, you will be able to speak directly to the florist designing and delivering your floral gift. You will also get a better value.

Tenley McDonald- Former Florist- Now Co-Owner of http://www.flowerpowernetwork.com (Online Directory of Real Local Florists) Ms. McDonald has over 14 years experience in ~Consumer Relations/Marketing ~Customer Service Management ~Floral Design. Please email the Author directly for reprint permission of this article.

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We are so pleased to have with us Christy Lowry, all the way from Anchorage, Alaska, speaking with us today. She shares her incredible journey of experiencing the death of her daughter, the grieving process, and the healing that occurred.

Irene: Your book PAM: Life Beyond Death; Joy Beyond Grief is dear to your heart. Please tell us a little about this book.

Christy: PAM first recounts our familys experience just prior to, and following, the death of our daughter in an auto-pedestrian accident the first day of school. Chapter One invites the reader into our lives by sharing who we were as a family the day we lost her. Describing the accident, how we each found out about it, and our initial, very individual reactions, created that common meeting groundthe human condition–and point of bonding grievers and readers both need so they can relate to each other.

Chapter Two, while opening with our family poised on the brink of despair and loss, contrasts sharply with those earliest dark days by moving quickly into the miraculous, awesome events that are the meat of PAM. By sharing one of lifes worst experiences, losing a child, I in effect invite the reader to walk with us through new fields of experience, that progressively unfold Gods incredible presence and comforting grace which alone could heal our family by restoring us to wholeness of being.

These new fields of experience rippled out to include the most mundane everyday details of our livesand those of our extended families. How likely was it for my mother to randomly open her Bible to the beatitude Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted right after our Pam died? And statistically, what were the chances of our older sons marrying a girl with the same first name as Pam? Or my east coast in-laws moving onto Pamela Drive after Pams passing? Such coincidences I found immensely comforting during my familys and my healing process.

Last but not least, throughout PAM, the reader will notice endnotes periodically appearing throughout the story line. Intended for both the skeptic and the seeker, they are Biblical confirmation of the unusual experiences that are part of our story. As these events happened, God brought the appropriate confirmatory verses to mind; I then included them.

Irene: Why did you feel that this book was important to write?

Christy: My husband Paul and I, with our boys, found out first hand how awful it is to lose a child and sister. Yet we also experienced Gods direct comfort in ways and on levels we didnt know existedhence never thought possible. Our loss deepened my awareness of, and appreciation for, the losses of others. How could I selfishly hide our light under a bushel without at least offering it to other grievers for consolation? Did the God I knew then and now, whose footsteps my family and I felt impelled to follow, want me to do that?

My heartfelt hope for those reading our story in PAM is that they, in some way, directly experience God as their very present help in trouble and, as part of their healing, find His presence as irresistible as I did. As such, I feel both a God-given yearning and inspiration to share our story.

Irene: Tell us about your grieving process.

Christy: My grief process was anything but linear, was instead characterized by sharp jagged lines zigzagging up and down, with no rhyme nor reasonat first. It took weeks and months for me to discern small but gradually growing breaks in our cloud cover of grief. But as I gradually began living out the precedent of life without Pam, new and surprising insights came to me, such as the difference between shock and disbelief; the pitfalls of unresolved anger; the real causes of fear, blame, regret, guiltbefore moving on to forgiveness as mentored by Jesus. Was there a culmination? Yes, through Gods teamwork with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, meeting and touching the hem of my soul right where I wasand awing me with their limitless compassion. With an irresistible God like that, how could there not be Life Beyond Death; Joy Beyond Grief!

Irene: There is an importance placed on having family and friends around you while grieving. Tell us more about this importance.

Christy: We dont live in a vacuum; studies confirm that were wired to interact meaningfully with others, deriving energy, strength, and motivation from that connection. My faith system concurs.

My family background, which included living in an extended three-generational family of grandparents, mother, aunt, and a brother (our parents divorced when I was three), instilled the importance of family at an early age. My familys adult members were also strong Christians who instilled that heritage in my brother and me. We consistently applied prayer to any life challenge large and small; and from our childhood on, my mother consistently shared faith stories from her own life as part of building my spiritual foundation and nourishing my growing faith. Little did I know how key this living foundation would factor in during my own life challenges!

Pauls family was equally stable, without the destabilizing effect of divorce to deal with. He, his parents, brother and sister, lived in the same home and community for years, with one grandparent living downstairs. They all were faithful churchgoers.

Although Alaska is a very transient state, moving there in our case reinforced our family structure because most people come from somewhere else, have left their families of origin far behind, creating a need for surrogate families. Such non-biologically related family groups band together, creating new traditions and bonding together in a mutually reinforcive family atmosphere.

Because our immediate and extended families were able to visit each other fairly often, our ties remained strong. Our neighborhood community was well equipped and willing by Alaskan custom and tradition to act as family, scooping up the skeins of our disjointed and distracted lives (helping with home and child care, coordinating meals and phone calls) until members of our extended family arrived. Together, both groups formed a needed bridge of continuity that helped us move forward, their seamless teamwork helping us heal faster.

A final word here to an already lengthy answer: Older family members extensive experience with grief (then and now) comforted us immensely as they fielded our bewildered hurt questions with answers gleaned from their own real life experiences.

Irene: The role of a comforter is very important, however, most people dont know what to say to the person that just lost a loved one. What were the most important words that you heard from those expressing their condolences.

Christy: Let me preface my reply by remarking that many would-be comforters fear that whatever they say will only make matters worse by increasing the berefts pain. Grievers who can realize and remember that will likely help their comforters get past their very real, often debilitating, fear.

The most helpful and insightful comments Ill forever remember are, first, the woman who told me, If you ever need to talk with someone without shame, call me. A second persons infinitely empathetic comment also sticks with me to this day, No one should have to endure the loss of a child. On a third occasion when my husband Pauls parents were visiting shortly after Pams passing, I one evening told him to freely go join them in the family room and be a little boy with them again. His unexpected, tenderly tearful appreciation caught me off guard because our society still expects men to be guardians of the stiff upper lip (stoic).

Finally, peoples open, honest confessions that they didnt know how we felt, but were there for us anyway soothingly impressed me by their forthright respect for us and our situation. Similar comments, such as I dont have words to express how I feel for your lossI dont know what to sayI cant imagine anyones going through such a devastating loss evoke similar healing.

Considering our culture, those supporters could easily have misunderstood our need to vent and process our loss. Instead, their emotional courage comforted us because their motive was to comfort and help, even at the risk of offending us.

Irene: On the other hand, are there things that people shouldnt say to those grieving?

Christy: Now I can chuckle a little at this first faux pas, You have to get over it. But fresh in grief, that comment (albeit meant to help) angered me. Recouping my wits long enough to inform one speaker that we first have to get through whats in our lives before we can get over it helped me immensely: I had defused the situation with immediate and long term information that could potentially help others, plus vindicated what I felt.

Another unhelpful comment is I know how you feel. Grievers often indignantly wonder to themselves, How can so-and-so know what its like, never having been there? Besides, theyre not me!

Two others that dont exactly make sense are Shes better off nowin a better place, and Heaven needed her. Bereaveds, whether or not they protest aloud, often think, If this place is so bad and heaven needed her more than we do, why did my child come here in the first place? And what about us? Grievers can help themselves by remembering that todays adults often parrot what as children they heard their parents say, then dont think those sayings through to know what they mean before passing them on.

Whats the final one I think is really sad? After I die, think of me, but dont grieve me. When you love someone, how do you do that? Trying to comply with that impossible admonition only doubles the grievers burden, cutting off the one thing they need to do in order to heal. Similar to the No service! dictate, were not to remember and grieve everything our loved one meant to us?! No, its unrealistic and impossible to even think we can micro-manage others feelings from beyond the grave.

All of this said, heres something that helps both griever and comforter: Remember the golden rule by extending grace to each other as together we navigate volatile emotional territory.

Irene: Did you at any time, after the loss of your daughter, feel that you just couldnt go on any more because the grief was so deep?

Christy: Oh yes. Those first hours, days, and weekseven up to five monthsI panicked that I could never stop crying, except to come up for air. Thats how I felt. But I vividly remember, just days after losing Pam, making a conscious choice as I looked down the flight of stairs to the front door. How steep they looked! And how easily I could fall down themboth literally and figuratively. Would I just give up and go with the flow of gravity? Or consciously choose to flow through my grief, trusting God to lessen the agony and heal me in His own time and ways?

Its comforting to know that, as affirmed by many experienced grievers, this intense phase of early grief does pass. And we heal.

Irene: You feel that God was a major component of your healing. Please tell your reading audience how you were able to turn to your faith in a time of tragedy.

Christy: Again, our faith-building family background, built over time, created the strength we needed to cope, survive, and then thrive. Because our strong, experienced, committed family members mentored the right stuff, when tragedy struck I knew what and Who I had to draw upon. I also discovered that foundation giving me permission to accept and relate to God on His own terms, in other words, be open to Him as He is, not based on some preconception of Him.

In all honesty, what would have happened to us without Gods direct help? I feel that I would have died of a broken heart, and our family wouldnt be what it is today. Fortunately, God intervened and turned our lives around, producing in the process such ongoing positive fruits as a community park (renamed the Pamela Joy Lowry Memorial Park), and two inspirational self-help grief books that are out there helping to restore other hurting people.
Why do some people desperately yearn for similar help and dont experience it? From here, the absolute why is beyond me. But I suspect it has to do with how receptive we are to God and His ways of doing things. Do we yearn for comfort offered His Way, then close off with an emphatic No! to His first response? Or do we let go and let Him be God without micromanaging His process?

Irene: Thank you so much for sharing your process with our reading audience. Is there anything else that you would like to share about yourself or your book?

Christy: I think its vitally important for people to see and understand that, even in grief, we have choicesthe more positive we make the better. Such positive choices set the tone, pace, and speed of our healingfor both ourselves and others, for we dont know who may be watching us, yearning for consolation and help.

But above all, were not alone, even though it may feel and appear so, especially during our earliest, most intense, phases of the grief/healing process.

I invite readers to visit my website: http://www.love-4-books.com. And feel free to email me with questions, comments, and sharings, at: love4books@gci.net, as well as through Reader Views weblog.

Finally, I appreciate every opportunity to help and encourage hurting people everywhere for, while PAM happened in Alaska, its theme and relevance are worldwide. So Irene, thank you for providing us this invaluable springboard whereby we can console, encourage, and support each other!

Irene Watson is the Managing Editor of Reader Views.
http://readerviews.com

Death - Grief - Mourning And Bereavement
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Remember that first big breakup you just could not get over for the life of you? It lingered for months and even years. Maybe this is happening to you now and you dont know why it just wont go away? This is not necessarily because of the person, but it has to do with our brain. Researchers have found over the years that memories are actually formed in our brain through the strengthening on neuron connections that send and receive information. Now, when the memory is stressful on our emotions, what happens is there is an increase in the stress hormone called norepinephrine.

As the stress hormone norepinphrine and how it actually affects our connections is still being researched we do know that those long-lasting emotional memories are due to the chemicals in our brains. However, too much of this chemical can indeed cause the opposite effect in which we discover a lapse of memory in regards to the particularly traumatic or emotionally stressful event. So are there any ways we can deal with the memories that do occur or are currently occurring? There are many ways that individuals deal with their breakups and it would vary with the person, the most popular choice among those I have spoken to in L.A. chose professional counseling. Also, another thing worth mentioning after looking into the subject I have found very interesting is that many people actually mention that hypnotherapy was their option of choice. Now, this is just after researching and questioning as I have never been involved in a hypnotherapy session in my life. I am simply relaying others responses.

We have all gone through tough periods in our lives and many of us as still currently dealing with these problems. Britney Spears is a perfect example of a person who is experiencing quite a bit of emotional stress. However, it appears that she has taken an all to common and quite dangerous route in order to mask the pain of the trauma in her life. Many individuals I have know have used drugs and alcohol to cover us their emotional pain rather than seek counseling. They seem a bit overwhelmed and go into a complete tailspin. Believe me when I say this as it is true: regular usage of drugs and alcohol to mask pain will only send you down a path that will inevitably cause you to do more things that will become even more traumatic. If you are going through this level of emotional stress, please speak with someone who is a professional, a psychologist. They are there to help you and they work with similar cases daily so there is absolutely no reason to be ashamed of anything.

One thing to remember is that our emotional stress is caused by the chemicals in our brain, namely the stress hormone norepinephrine. There are many ways to deal with such emotionally stressful situations in life, such as those very painful break ups, and there are professionals out there who understand your plight and sincerely want to help you. As it is sometimes the best choice to go out and get drunk after a break up, try to keep away from a regular drinking/drug binge and just seek counseling if you feel that tail spin coming on. Emotional stress is real and it is just part of our nature. Once we understand it, we can begin to really do things to help ourselves feel better so we can begin to create more of those long-lasting perfect memories that keep us smiling daily.

http://www.TheWindsorExpress.com

S. Michael Windsor is currently publisher and a writer for The Windsor Express. Taken directly from the most popular search results on the Web, The Windsor Express: The Internets Top News & Search Result Coverage and Advice Commentary features exclusive articles, tips and community based on the hottest topics of the day. Visit us today!

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A funeral director is of best help to the relatives and friends of a deceased person, who assists in preparing the body, planning transport of the body to burial/cremation venue and in planning the ceremony. They must possess different positive traits like people management and administration skills, composure and willingness to work long, odd hours. He or she is also available on call 24 hours a day and 365 days a year.

A funeral director appears to the relatives of a deceased person as a helping hand, who would look into the matters of preparing the body, embalming, dressing and casketing. He/she would also look into the matters of arranging flowers, transporting body to the funeral site and making arrangements for funeral ceremony. He or she tries to calm down people at grief, while not losing his or her composure.

The first thing people consider is the availability of funeral director at the location. People choose one from within the city. People usually choose based on feedback by people who have observed the service in the past. Hiring the right one is an important decision for the relatives and friends. Detailed arrangements for all the different aspects of funeral, from preparing and transporting body to the funeral site to making arrangements for funeral service/ceremony are made easier with professional assistance. They also meet with close relatives and friends of the deceased, to make final plans for the funeral. One also extends support at the time of grief and sorrow, while not losing his/her composure, even under emotionally overwhelming situations.

They will have excellent management skills and will be silent presence throughout the whole process of preparing the body, arranging flowers, transporting body to the funeral location, planning the ceremony and in burial or cremation. He/she is a knowledgeable about religious sentiments and the rituals of different religions. He/she makes arrangements for funeral ceremony for any religion people. They also handle funeral of people who have no religion.

Professional firms have different funeral directors working for them in different parts of the city or country. They have on call funeral directors, who are available any time of the day, to collect physical remains from locations and to make arrangements for the ceremony. One has to take appropriate health precautions while handling body of persons died of contagious diseases. The professionals, as part of their training gets enough education and procedure of handling such dead bodies and infection from a dead body is not possible if the funeral director sticks to the standard procedures.

The people who use the service never know the fact. Hiring a reputable & dependable funeral director is one of the ways of paying tributes to the deceased.

For information on funeral director check out http://funeral-director.org.uk

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Everything is beginning to blossom againfinally. As they sing, When April showers may come your way, they bring the flowers that bloom in May. I remember that line from a song that I used to sing when I was a child.

When we were children we used to sit out on the screened-in front porch on rainy April days and just pray that it would stop raining. We wanted play outside. Sometimes it got so bad that we couldnt wait. We would put on our shorts and go running out into the rain. My mother wasnt too crazy about that though. We quickly learned that she wasnt through some miraculous form of mother communication, (something known as the holler) and we stopped. We still looked outside and waited though, and then somebody would begin to sing that song.

As we joined in we looked forward to the beautiful sunny days in May when we wouldnt have to worry about the rain. We realized, even as children, that the rain had to come so that flowers could blossom. Little did we know at the time that that was the secret of life. Sometimes rain and hardship would have to come, so that we could blossom. This is usually the case with the beautiful (I mean on the inside) people we know. These people have usually been through the rain and the storms of life. They have had some type of hardship and they have survived without becoming angry and bitter. In their case it has brought forth the fruit of patience and kindness, instead of anger and resentment.

Anger and resentment comes, I think, when people who havent learned to sing the song are caught in the storms of life. They dont realize that the fruit of love, beauty and strength will come about as a result of these hardships, if they will allow themselves to look forward to something beautiful at the end. If they are willing to become fully engaged with life again after the storm they will see the fruit themselves.

We used to just sit there and wait for the storm to pass when I was young, but as soon as the rain stopped we were ready. We would run out into the streets with pop- sickle sticks, use them as boats and hold races against each other in the water that was still running down the gutters. We used the rains that had been so horrible a few moments ago as something to derive pleasure from, even as we often use the traces of that which has caused us pain as a source of strength, courage, and empathy toward others who may be suffering. Suffering does not necessarily come so that it may bring out the good in people, but people can always, if they are willing, bring out the good in suffering.

This only happens, however, when we do as the second line of the song says: Just keep on looking for that sunshine and listen for its song, whenever April showers come along. As long as we can do this, we will always prosper. Whomever seeks joy, deep down within their heart, will find it.

Dr. John W. Gilmore, D. Min., received his Doctor of Ministry Degree in Work and Spirituality at University of Creation Spirituality in Oakland, CA. He is a writer of several books that liberate the soul, an ordained minister, a certified Easy Tai Chi instructor, a black belt and instructor in Jun Bao Kenpo for Health and Longevity, and is certified in many of the healing arts. Please visit our web-page at http://www.dswellness.com There you will find more articles like this in our free Practical Spirituality Journal and you will find a link to our cyber school where you can take our free stress reduction course, enjoy our Circle of Creation Centered Spirituality Cyber Service, or take one of our courses.

This weeks featured reading: Reclaiming the Religion of Jesus in a Modern Age: Called by the Sword of Truth, Dr. John W. Gilmore

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Overcoming death and beginning once again to live is the one thing that we never anticipate can happen after we have experienced death. The truth is however, that whether we like it or not life continues on. The decision that we need to make is whether we wish to move on with life.

It can often help to remember that although our loved ones have left us in this life they are still there watching over us and guiding us through the rest of our lives. They will never stop loving us and will never fully leave us. As long as we need them they will be there.

Taking the first step is always the hardest and this is where sharing your feelings can help, be it sharing with someone close or a stranger or even through writing, expressing how we feel is always the first and hardest step in the recovery from death. I know that I say recovery but let me assure you that you will never fully recover, once you have been touched by death your life changes and you as a person also change. Your outlook on life changes and you finally understand that life is but a pathway to death.

Life will always continue to progress and a new day will always follow night. Even after death, life be it the one thing we wish we could control is just like death itself uncontrollable. Learning to live again is one of the hardest things we face after death but like life it is something that happens. Through writing and expressing what we feel we help to deal with the emotions we are feeling, the grief, the pain, the anger and the loss, all these feeling can be spilled out onto the paper and can help to ease the suffering. These writings just like the ones in this book may in turn help others come to terms with their pain and suffering.

This is an abstract from a new book titled “From Those Death Left Behind”. A book to help promote suicide awareness. This book has been written by a family who have survived suicide and they hope by sharing their inner most thoughts and feelings they can help to educate and promote a greater understanding of the suffering caused by Suicide. This book can be purchased as both a downloadable ebook or a paperback from Lulu.com. http://www.lulu.com/content/120733 All proceeds from this book are to be donated to the various bereavement and suicide organisations worldwide.

Amanda Evans is a professional Ghostwriter and Author. You can view more of her personal work at http://www.freewebs.com/amandajevans . For professional services you can visit http://www.ghostwritinguncovered.com

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Any loss is very traumatic, be it the loss of someone or of something. You may have been prepared for it or it may come as a surprise, more like a tragedy, really. The greatest advantage of knowing in advance that you are going to part with someone or something is that you can say a proper good-bye to it.

Suppose a family member is about to die; instead of pretending that nothing is happening, you will feel better later on knowing that you said your farewell. You may also have a chance to make any ill-will right again. You may apologize, you may declare your love, you may show you care, you may laugh, you may introduce a significant other, you may pay a debt, and so on. Of course, all this is not going to make your grief any less; though it will greatly reduce any guilty feeling that you may have later on.

Or, suppose your last child is leaving for college. Though not a total loss, the empty nest experience may be tremendous, especially if you have had a great relationship with this child. Nevertheless, the loss is real for something is about to change. And changes, positive or negative, are never without distress.

Now, the worst loss is the one not expected. That is incredibly traumatic and may make you absolutely desperate and inconsolable. In this case, it may take you a little longer to work on your grief as usually you tend to ask the question that is not to be asked: “Why?”

Though it is easier to cope with the loss in the first instance than it is in the second one, a loss is a loss and the grieving process is all the same. To help you cope with it so that you can move on, here are 5 suggestions:

1. Take time off so you can deeply feel your sorrow. Do what you must: cry, scream, kick, punch. Let the anger come out and do something about it.

2. Relax and de-stress. You can visit with your true friends and find opportunities to laugh. Chill out and relax. Go for walks in nature, take a bath, make love, appreciate the beauty around you.

3. Do something you truly love. It can be taking up a hobby. Good things to try are the ones you use your hands, for your heart has a special connection to your hands. Let you heart speak. Or else, you can volunteer for a cause which you are passionate about. Think of what causes you great sorrow every time you see it. Volunteer for that.

4. Learn something new. This is a good time to take up piano lessons, or painting, or dance and drama, or learn a language, or learn a computer program.

5. Plan for the next stage of your life. Remember that if you dont plan, life passes you by. Be proactive, dream and transform your dreams into goals. Check my article: “How to Transform Your Dreams Into Goal” for this step.

You will notice that soon you are not only feeling much better but you are also dramatically improving the quality of your life and those around you.

Maria Moratto 2006
Want to have more abundance, health, time, love, fun, and blessings? Visit Prescription For Bliss at http://www.rx4bliss.com, sign up for the newsletter and receive a fr*ee ebook called “Happy People Are More Abundant!”
Dr. Maria Moratto is the author of “The Inspired Healing For Your Body, Mind, and Soul,” “The Inspired Healing Journal: Mending Your Broken Heart,” and “Attract Money Journal.” Visit her site to get fr*ee affirmation cards.
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We of the baby-boomer generation are feeling the pressure as we provide care for our elderly parents. It is painful as we helplessly watch our loved ones experience the impact of failing health. We feel powerless against the ravages of deteriorating health and mourn our losses as our parents begin the descent involving their incapacity to live independently. Children undergo the process of grieving as our parents move closer to the end of their lives. Family dynamics may shift.

The process of grieving hopefully may bring healing and closure to children who care-take for elderly parents. However, more typically, it takes its toll in creating upheaval and conflict among the children. As elderly parents come to the end of their lives, the grieving process may serve as a catalyst which affects core issues and dynamics among the surviving children. If there are unresolved issues harbored by any family member, they will invariably surface during this time of distress. Grieving and loss have a way of opening the door for unfinished psychological business that has been swept under the rug. One can only hide the pain for so long and then inevitably the truth, wrapped in emotional baggage, will make itself known.

The children of an aging parent are forced to deal with a myriad of new decisions and problems. However, legal, financial, and questions related a parents possessions tend to be the focal point for conflict among siblings during the process of parental decline. Children, who face these issues with their unresolved baggage, create tension for the entire family system. Hopefully, parents help minimize the impact of sibling conflict by structuring their will and financial matters effectively.

Quibbling over finances or belongings may represent the way in which children play out their unresolved conflicts toward the elderly parent and their interaction with each other. They may feud over jewelry and other personal possessions belonging to the parent, leaving the elderly parent feeling resentful or guilt-ridden. The turmoil may exacerbate the parents declining health. Misunderstandings may exist over who gets what and when. Interpersonal conflict emerges when the grieving process serves as a metaphor for unfinished family business. Although most parents dread the prospects, it is not unusual for children to break communication with each other after the death of their parent.

Because feelings are more intense during the declining health of an elderly parent, the children are more prone to become reactive. Reactivity leads to anxiety, and anxiety promotes misunderstanding and defensive communication. Like the advent of premarital counseling, perhaps there should be therapy for children who are trying to navigate the process of caretaking for an elderly parent in deteriorating health.

What are some of the ways that children can cope more effectively while caretaking for an elderly parent and avoid the traps that cause interpersonal damage?

Make sure that there are legal documents in place, including a will, durable power of attorney, and a trust. They should be updated, particularly if there is any transition from state to state.

Make sure that your parent specifies, outside of the will, items to be distributed equitably to all family members.

Children of the elderly need to work on responding, by promoting understanding, rather than reacting with defensiveness and resentment.

Children should seek professional counseling assistance when they are unable to manage their personal grief and it begins to affect their functioning as well as other family members.

Learn to keep things in perspective. Money and things are not worth severing relationships and causing hurt feelings within the family. Our legacy and our families should be based on the quality of our relationships.

Caretaking for the elderly is a difficult process. It takes patience, wisdom, and the ability to sort out issues related to our parents and siblings. We must take the high road consisting of integrity when dealing with our family members. There are not guarantees that they will do the same. Nevertheless, we must vow to make peace with our past, care for our parents, and let go of our loved ones in a way that will bring peace and healing to our life. In doing so, we will never have regrets.

James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC is an author, freelance writer, and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. His personal growth book, Stepping Out of the Bubble is available at http://www.booklocker.com James can be reached at http://www.krehbielcounseling.com

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No one likes to think about illness and death, when we are well, we feel invincible and there is nothing that can prepare us for the shock and devastation of a terminal diagnosis. The knowledge that we can no longer take our lives or the lives we share with our loved ones for granted takes away our ability to plan for the future and removes hope from our lives. When a loved one becomes terminally ill, we grieve in anticipation of their death, we grieve for the loss of them in our lives and we grieve for our own mortality.

No one is immune to grief. There are those amongst us today, who have grieved deeply in the past, there are those who are grieving deeply now and sadly, all of us will grieve at some time in the future. It is inevitable that if we love deeply, we will also grieve deeply, but few of us would deny ourselves the gift of love to our lives. So, grief becomes a part of our lives that we must learn to deal with. There are well documented stages to the grieving process, yet no two peoples journey will be the same.

My journey began in Dec 1999.when my husband and partner of 37 years was diagnosed with inoperable cancer. His terminal diagnosis was delivered in a some what brutal manner by a young doctor who concluded his statement by saying three to nine months I reckon. Upon hearing those words I felt as if Brian and I had been shot. Certainly Brian was mortally wounded and I who loved him completely felt as if I too had received a death sentence.

My initial shock over his diagnosis was followed by anger and denial. I refused to believe that there was nothing I could do to save his life and begun surfing the internet for any information I could find regarding his disease, hoping to find someone, somewhere who had found a cure. I was looking for a miracle and found none, however the knowledge I acquired helped me to accept that my husband was dying. This did not make it easier to bear, living in expectation of a loved ones death, is like sitting on a time bomb. Knowing that it is going to go off but being powerless to stop it.

My turmoil was made worse by the reaction of our friends, who upon hearing of Brians diagnosis were shocked and not knowing what to do or say, avoided us. Some even crossing the street when they saw us coming. At our local club instead of the enthusiastic welcome we were accustomed to, we were greeted with silence or exaggerated attempts at joviality. It was as if we had lost our identity, they no longer saw us as Brian and Lorraine, we had become the objects of pity, a sad reminder of the fragility of life.

Brians prognosis of three to nine months was ever on our minds and this had a catastrophic affect on all of our lives. We dared not plan for anything fearing that Brian would not be with us to enjoy it. Our eldest daughter wanting her father to be present at her wedding, planned it for June, six months after his diagnosis. We found it hard to find joy in the preparations as we greatly feared that he would not be alive to share it with us. Birthdays and Christmases brought the same anguish.

With no idea of what to expect, I feared that he might die at any time and due to this, I saw any symptom he displayed as a sign of his imminent death. I was reluctant to let him out of my sight for fear that he would not return to me. I wondered how he would die. Would he have a heart attack, a haemorrhaged, or suddenly be unable to breath. Would he be in much pain? The relief I felt for each month of life he was granted was overshadowed by my dread of the beginning of each new month because the beginning of each month brought us closer to the 9 months maximum of his prognosis.

For the first time in our long relationship, I could not turn to Brian for strength. I recognised and supported his need to live in hope whilst at the same time I was struggling with my hopelessness. I could not burden the children with my grief; they had not fully accepted that their fathers prognosis and it hurt them if I mentioned his condition. It was hard to remain strong for all of them and to act as if everything was okay when nothing was okay. There were days when I told everyone I met that my husband was dying. Seeing the sympathy and compassion on their faces justified the depth of my despair.

My emotional turmoil soon affected my health, I ached with tension, begun to have trouble catching my breath, groaned involuntarily and felt as if I too were dying. I was fortunate in that my doctor did not prescribe anti depressants for me to help me cope with my anticipatory grief. Instead he advised that I see a councilor on a regular basis and that I begin writing in a personal diary. His advice was sound. The diary I begun on that day became my strongest coping tool I wrote in it daily, often in the form of poetry pouring my heartache and fear onto the pages. I wrote the poem Loving You shortly after his diagnosis the words Lean on me Later became the title of my book.

In sickness and in health until death us do part. No wedding vows could be truer.

Brians illness and death has profoundly impacted on my life. His courage and the strength I found to support him as he journeyed to the end of his life has shown me the true meaning of love and the strength of the human spirit.

Article written by: Lorraine Kember Author of Lean on Me Cancer through a Carers Eyes. Lorraines book is written from her experience of caring for her dying husband in the hope of helping others. It includes insight and discussion on: Anticipatory Grief, Understanding and identifying pain, Pain Management and Symptom Control, Chemotherapy, Palliative Care, Quality of Life and Dying at home. It also features excerpts and poems from her personal diary. Highly recommended by the Cancer Council. Lean on Me is not available in bookstores - For detailed information, Doctors recommendations, Reviews, Book Excerpts and Ordering Facility - visit her website http://www.cancerthroughacarerseyes.jkwh.com

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